When parent’s divorce happens, many couples don’t consider the welfare of their children. They think that ending the marriage has nothing to do with the kids. It is better that they remain clueless to spare them from confusion and pain. The sad reality is that when a relationship is messy and toxic, it is possible that one partner needs to get away from it as fast as possible. The kids become the last factor to consider. They forget that they’re not only a husband or a wife, but they are also parents. Whatever their decision is, it will affect their children.
According to statistics, 36.7% of marriages in the United States end in divorce, and one in 2 children has seen this happening. This is a concerning issue because it shows that many couples want to get away from their marriages and from being unhappy. When they feel this way, it means that seeking personal psychotherapy cannot help in keeping the marriage.
Negative Effects of Divorce on Children
It is hard for children to understand the reasons behind their parents’ separation. This is why parents do not tell their children what’s really going on between mom and dad. They think that this is the best way to protect their young minds. But sadly, the effects of divorce can leave a mark even during adult years.
Poor Academic Performance
Parent’s Divorce is hard on children. Since they don’t know the whole story, they get confused. They feel left out and unimportant. They start to lose focus in school because they keep thinking of what’s happening at home. Children’s minds are easily distracted, especially with things that they don’t understand.
Social Withdrawal and Isolation
Research shows that children whose parents are getting divorced are likely to isolate and withdraw themselves from their friends and social activities. It is hard for them to relate to other children whose parents are still together. They start to ask questions about what’s happening in the family. When they don’t get a good explanation, they feel insecure and wonder if there is something wrong with their parents.
In some cases, children do not know how to respond and react to their parents’ divorce. They only know their parents are not together anymore; they will never be complete again. As a result, anger builds up because they do not know how to handle their disappointment and frustrations. They are easily irritated when they see others unaware of their feelings and situations.
Feelings of Guilt
Children often blame themselves for their parents’ divorce. They feel that it is their fault that their mothers are angry because their dad cannot attend their school activities. They feel guilty because they think their fathers are exhausted from working for their needs. Since they do not know the real reason for the divorce, they just come up with reasons alone and feel guilty for causing the breakup.
One of the most common consequences of divorce on children is they lose faith in marriage when they turn into adults. Keeping a stable relationship becomes a big challenge for them. Studies show that children whose parents got divorced when they were young will likely experience the same thing in their future marriages.
Dealing with Parents’ Divorce
Divorce is not easy for everyone. When your parents get a divorce, you feel a mix of emotions – sadness, loneliness, anger, guilt, and more. According to local therapists near me, if you ignore these emotions, they will start to affect your body and mind in a bad way.
It is not your fault.
Feeling guilty about your parents’ divorce is wrong but still a normal emotion. Your parents know that if they continue their marriage, it will only destroy the whole family. Your home will be an unhappy place to live. But whatever is going on between your parents, it’s not your fault. Never let this kind of thought cross your mind because this will only distress you.
Talk to your parents.
They will remain your parents even if they separate. They will continue to love and care for you. If you’re having a hard time accepting what’s going on, talk to them and be honest with your thoughts and feelings. Tell them to talk to you as an adult because you are also affected by their decision.
Validate your feelings.
It is okay to get mad at your parents or to be sad about the divorce. All your feelings are authentic and valid. Do not suppress them. Talk to close friends and family members. Vent out your feelings and thoughts. It is healthy and good for you.
Find healthy ways to cope with stress and anxiety.
Feeling sad and alone when your parents divorced is a perfectly normal emotion. The truth is you can’t do anything about it. You just have to take care of yourself and find ways to cope with stress and anxiety. You must find healthy distractions like journaling, meditation, or yoga. Take cooking or dance lessons. Make sure that these activities are enjoyable and make you forget your worries.
Know that you are not alone.
If you know friends who are also in a similar situation as you, try reaching out to them. Perhaps talking to them can help you move on and understand your parents. You can also join support groups in your community or online to make you feel less lonely. Tell yourself that you are not alone, and so many children and teens survive and grow up to be better adults despite their parents’ divorce.
Seek professional help.
If things get unbearable, it is time to seek professional help from local therapists near me. You can attend personal psychotherapy and voice out your deepest feelings about your parents’ divorce. It is always good to talk to people who will understand your situation and will never judge you. Ask your parents that therapy can help you. They may hesitate at first, but explain to them that it could be good for you. Do not listen to others when they tell you it is never helpful to air your feelings to strangers.
If you are considering personal psychotherapy, contact Mindshift Psychological Services. Learn more about their therapy and counseling sessions on their website. Call them at (714) 584-9700 to schedule an appointment.