Getting a divorce is probably one of the hardest decisions you made in your married life. The thought of it sends chills of regrets and pain because you always envision yourself growing old with your spouse.
Many married couples would agree that deciding to end the marriage is not an overnight judgment. It is rooted from countless disappointments, numerous cheatings, incessant abuses or immovable immature behaviors for a long time.
Is ending your marriage a necessary step to take?
The vows you speak at your wedding signify that the love you have for each other is true and real. It is not full of pretense and doubts. However, as you journey through your married life you realize that your spouse is not someone whom you have dreamed of spending the rest of your life with. It could be because of infidelity, lack of sense of commitment and responsibility, abuse or addiction. Some simply fall out of love.
The moment you realize that you are exhausted and no longer happy in your relationship is the moment the thought of walking away from your marriage comes in. But you just shrugged off this ridiculous idea because you want it to work.
Ending your marriage is a brave and bold step but this does not automatically mean that this is the right thing to do. Before taking another step, try to reconsider these things.
1. Talk about the issues that threaten your marriage.
No matter how obvious the issues are, you still need to talk about these with your spouse. It is possible that both of you can fix your marriage problem without resorting to divorce. It is a fair play that you tell your partner the issues that are bothering you and maybe, he/she will do the same thing. As they say, communication is the key to good marriage and this includes communicating to your partner the unpleasant reality in your relationship.
Talking to your spouse may not be as easy as it is for others. Others need to take up all the courage to be able to do this because their partners do not take anything lightly. Abusive partners may take it the wrong way and become all the more aggressive towards you. If this is your scenario, you may need a trusted family member or friend to be there when you talk.
2. Have your second honeymoon.
When both of you know that there is something wrong in your marriage, you need to address this immediately. There is no need to delay the conversation. After having a deep conversation, suggest that you go away for a vacation for a few days to rekindle your love for each other. It is possible that your marital issues are caused by stress in your daily activities.
If both of you want your marriage to work, you and your partner will take time and effort to make this second honeymoon happen. Spending time away from the children is not a crime and many therapists and psychologists would approve of this. This is the perfect time to go to that beautiful island in the Caribbean or take that cruise you have been dreaming for years.
3. Focus on your self-improvement.
When you realize that there is a problem in your marriage, this does not mean that your spouse is the only one who is to blame. Both of you need to grow and improve. You need to talk about the things that you need to work on in your attitude and behavior. You need to be aware of the things your partner finds undesirable in you. If you think that he/she is reasonable, then do something about it. If he/she thinks that you are messy in the house, tidy up a bit. If you are always late in paying bills, put an alarm in your calendar to avoid this. If you drink too much, seek professional help.
In marriage, compromise is everything. Living with someone who is very different from you will always be challenging. You do not need to change everything about yourself just to please your spouse. Just make sure that what you are doing is for the best of both of you and your marriage.
4. Stop pleasing everyone.
Do not ever justify your reasons for ending your marriage especially if you are in an abusive and toxic relationship. Do not stay if you fear for your life just because everybody else is expecting you to stay married forever. Many spouses who are abusive and are addicted to drugs, alcohol and gambling will never change. Staying in an abusive marriage will never be a good place for you and your children. You need to protect your family even if this means walking away from your spouse.
According to reports, there are 3 million incidents of domestic violence every year in the United States. In addition, 4,000 victims are killed yearly. Domestic violence happens all over the country and women and children are often the casualties.
5. Attend therapy.
Married couples who are having problems need to attend therapy near me and counseling sessions. Talking about your problems alone does not guarantee that everything will be better. It helps when a professional therapist is there to listen to both your concerns and neutralize the situation when it gets out of hand.
Good therapists will guide you through this challenging time and will offer a different perspective in your marriage. They will help you revitalize your love for each other and see deeply on the reasons why you choose to get married. You will be guided on how to communicate well with your partner and the plan of actions you must do to keep your married life alive.
Mindshift Psychological Services caters to therapy near me and counseling needs to residents in Riverside, California, Corona, California and Los Angeles, California. Family therapy near me, Psychotherapy for Individuals and Psychotherapy for Couples are just some of their excellent services. You can schedule an appointment through their website or you may contact them at (714) 584-9700.
Going to therapy for many couples is a helpful and a necessary step to keep their marriage intact. Around 50% of married couples who seek professional help attest that therapy and counseling help resolve their marital issues.