- Jan 03, 2023
When Kindness Becomes Too Much
When Kindness Becomes Too Much
We all have this idea that one way to survive life is through kindness. Kindness is more than a behavior. It is channeling other values that would make us better people. Through kindness we learn to be compassionate, generous, considerate, and helpful. Many people believe that if they are kind, they have a higher chance of going to heaven or of being forgiven of their faults. We have different thoughts about and reasons why we need to be kind. But it always boils down to one result: it makes us feel good and happy.
But some people argue that there is such a thing as too much kindness. So when does kindness become extreme? Why do they say that showing too much of it is a form of self-sabotage? When does being nice become unhealthy?
Is kindness a sign of weakness?
Kindness increases your physical and mental wellbeing. It has the power to make you content and happy. Kindness boosts your self-esteem and mood because you are making a difference to other people. However, there are those who view kindness as a sign of weakness and vulnerability. People have this misconception that looking out for the wellness of others makes kind people emotionally weak. They are easily drawn to helping those in need because they are broken and depressed themselves. Many people are taking advantage of other people’s bad situations because it is the only way for them to be in control and empowered.
Kindness is a strength, never a weakness. Only strong people are willing to give a part of themselves to others. Kind people put the needs of others before their own because they know that they can survive whatever life throws at them. They are emotionally and mentally strong and healthy because they lift other people’s burdens along with their own. They may have experienced trauma and abuse at one point in their lives, but they use them to be more considerate and understanding of other people’s situations.
What happens when you are too kind?
There is nothing wrong when you are too kind. You can help as many people as you want. But you have to be very careful because your kindness can be your downfall.
They cannot stand it when you say “no.”
People are so used to you always helping them out that they cannot accept it when you decline to do so. For them, it is a form of betrayal because you are supposed to be nice and kind. It is what they like about you, and hearing you say no to them is like you are abandoning them to live a miserable life. They feel that they are your responsibility, and whatever bad things happen to them, it is entirely your fault. On top of all this, they forget to even say thank you.
People always expect great things from you.
When you are kind and helpful, people think that your life is filled with prosperity and abundance. You are successful and rich because you can spare time and money to help them. When a friend borrows your car, you let them. When a relative asks you to babysit, it is okay, even if you have a gazillion things to do. But once something happens, it is entirely your fault. It is your fault that your friend is late for work because she has to stop for gas, which you should have done in the first place before lending your car. When the baby gets sick, you are to be blamed because you left her unattended while you were doing laundry. They would never appreciate you.
They only come to you for help.
This is a telltale sign that your kindness is just too much. People only see you as their savior. They do not check on you when their lives are great. Sometimes, they forget to invite you to a party because they are too occupied with their good fortune. But once they are in a tight situation, you would be surprised to see their name calling you. They only visit you or invite you over when they have a favor to ask.
You attract needy people.
When you help someone, people will know. They begin to think that you are kind and approachable. The next time they need help, they can come to you. Kindness becomes too much when you allow people to take advantage of you. Your kindness is your Achilles’ heel. It hurts you deeply when you refuse to help someone, so you make sure that anyone who comes for help will get it. It will be too late before you realize that you have given all parts of you and still people are asking for more. You forget to be kind to yourself.
You are more likely to suffer from depression.
Too much kindness could destroy you. When you fail to be kind, it brings you so much sadness and disappointment. When you notice that people only come to you for help, you feel lonely and unappreciated. It seems like your kindness is superficial, like it is your job to be nice. It is okay not to thank you because being kind is your purpose. Sometimes, you start to question your existence and worth. You are so overwhelmed by your obligations to others that you do not value yourself anymore. Getting angry or disappointing others is the last thing you want. Your life will only be worthy if you are kind. This can trigger anxiety and depression.
If you start to feel uncomfortable and lonely despite helping others, you may consider talking to someone. Mindshift Psychological Services offers counseling and therapy sessions that will help you manage your fears and anxiety. Visit our website to learn more about us. You may also contact us at (714) 584-9700 to schedule an appointment.